


Only Girls Have Periods

by blinding_darkness



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, How Do I Tag, Humor, M/M, Periods, a little fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 12:59:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10101836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blinding_darkness/pseuds/blinding_darkness
Summary: Felix thinks he’s having a period. Poor Locus has to run around after him until they find out the real reason for Felix's bleeding from the doctor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, I am on my period again which is the inspiration for this story. Why are you still reading the notes? Read the goddamn story, will you?

Locus arched an eyebrow as he watched Felix rush into the kitchen in a blind panic. He lowered his paper which he had been reading and looked at Felix's stressed face with a little concern.

 

"Are you alright?" Locus asked.

 

"NO!" Felix shouted, clutching at his arse. "I think I'm having a period!"

 

Locus didn't know whether to laugh or be seriously worried for Felix's sanity.

 

"Isaac…Only girls have periods," Locus said calmly, trying his damn best not to laugh.

 

"But… But I'm bleeding! You're wrong, Locus. I am on my period."

 

Locus watched as Felix stormed back out of the kitchen, and heard him stomp up the stairs. Deciding to make sure Felix wasn't going to do anything silly, like shoving a roll of toilet tissue up his arse as a makeshift tampon, Locus also went upstairs, where he found Felix pulling down his trousers and underwear.

 

"Look," Felix said, bending over so Locus got a full view of Felix's arse, "I'm bleeding. There is blood dribbling from my arse. I am having a period."

 

"Felix, you really ar-"

 

"I am!" Felix interrupted, straightening himself up, and sitting on the toilet. He folded his arms and pouted at Locus. "I am not moving from this spot until you get me some womanly supplies."

 

"Felix, what-"

 

"Sanitary towels, please," Felix interrupted again, closing his eyes. “C’mon, please Sam!”

 

Locus sighed, and left the bathroom. He grabbed his coat as he left the house, and walked the short distance to the nearby shop. He couldn't help feeling a little bit nervous about what he was about to buy. He was a man. He should not be buying this sort of thing.

 

Locus gulped as he walked down the Health and Beauty aisle. His eyes came to rest on the tampons and sanitary towels, and he marveled at how many different types there were. Locus picked up a box and took a look at it. It was a box of tampons, that had special skirts.

 

Why did women want tampons with skirts?

 

Putting the box back, Locus shook his head. He picked up the first packet of sanitary towels he laid eyes on and was relieved to see that they didn't do fancy tricks or have skirts. Locus tried his best to hide the packet as he waited in the queue, and as he reached the checkout, he couldn't speak because he was so embarrassed.

 

When Locus returned home, he wasn't surprised to find Felix exactly where he left him. Felix was still sat on the toilet, with his arms folded, a pout on his face, and his eyes closed. Locus threw the sanitary towels at Felix's head as he entered the bathroom.

 

"Here are your bloody sanitary towels," Locus snarled.

 

"Yes, I am!" Felix snapped, opening the packet, and taking out a towel. "How do you put these things on? Are they supposed to stick to your body or something?"

 

"I don't know, Felix. I can't say I've ever had to use one," Locus replied, rolling his eyes.

 

"Hmm, does it have instructions?" Felix said, looking at the packet. "Hmm… It doesn't. I'm guessing you just have to remove this paper thing, and then stick it to you."

 

"Felix, I think you have to stick it to your underwear. Not yourself."

 

"Oh, yeah… That'd make more sense."

 

Locus watched on as Felix peeled the paper off the sticky side of the sanitary towel, and he pressed it to his underwear. Felix pulled his underwear up, followed by his trousers, and wiggled about a bit, frowning.

 

"They're a bit uncomfortable. I suppose I'll just have to get used to them."

 

"Isaac… You are not on a-"

 

"Shut it, Samuel! Yes, I am!"

 

Locus sighed again and made to leave the bathroom. Before he could escape to another room, Felix had latched himself onto Locus' arm and stared up into Locus' face with adoration. Locus attempted to maneuver them down the stairs without making them fall over.

 

"You're the best boyfriend ever, you know that?" Felix said.

 

Locus frowned. Felix really was acting like he was on a period. He was even PMSing! Locus nodded in reply to Felix and led him back into the kitchen. He sat Felix down at the table, and took out a bar of chocolate from one of the cupboards, placing it in front of Felix.

 

"Chocolate?" Felix questioned, raising an eyebrow at Locus.

 

"Yes. Women eat loads of it when it that's time of the month. Knock yourself out. I need to make a phone call," Locus replied, walking back into the hall, closing the kitchen door behind him.

 

Locus picked up the phone, and dialed the number for the doctors. He knew Felix couldn't possibly be on a period, so there had to be some other reason why he was bleeding. Locus made an appointment for later on that afternoon with one of the nurses and hoped Felix would accept the fact that he was not having a period.

 

The afternoon soon came, and Locus had somehow managed to persuade Felix to go to the doctors. Felix wasn't happy about it and was pouting more than he had before, but Locus seemed to have persuaded him when he mentioned something about sexytime later on that night.

 

Felix was easily persuaded with sex.

 

Felix still wore his pout as they sat in the waiting room of the doctor's. Most of the other people waiting were old folk, blowing their noses, coughing, or complaining about their aching bones. Felix had rolled his eyes when they had sat down, and muttered something about 'bloody coffin-dodgers'. Locus had told him to be quiet.

 

"Isaac “Felix” Gates?" A nurse called for them, poking her head out of a nearby room.

 

Locus got up and pulled Felix along with him. Locus had seen the look of disdain on Felix's face when the female nurses head had poked out of the room. He had clearly been hoping for a male nurse.

 

As the nurse examined Felix, Locus was watching Felix's face. He looked bored and kept rolling his eyes at Locus, making Locus want to laugh. The nurse allowed Felix to pull his underwear and trousers back up and told Felix what Locus had thought.

 

"Felix, you don't have to worry. You're not having a period. Only women can have periods. The cause of your bleeding is that some tissue in your rectum has been torn a little."

 

The nurse told Felix that it would heal on its own, and not to 'stretch' it too much. She was looking at Locus when she said this, clearly knowing what the two could've been getting up to for Felix to bleed. As Felix and Locus left the doctors, Felix gave Locus a playful slap.

 

"See? I told you I wasn't having a period!"

 


End file.
